The D. in goD. – by K.

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He fills me up in so many ways my D., I find it hard to describe it though I know exactly what it is. I know what He is. He is with whom I want the sun to find us in the morning, he whom his face I see everywhere during the day, even at work, on my desk on my screen.

He makes me open up to him easily, wantingly, like an unpicked flower he travels my body like an unknown land with no map, he makes my spirit soar my heart beat faster or stop: easily, effortlessly, silently, completely, like a sunken ship. He makes me want to make him love me more. He is always exploring never boring, and I give to him every secret of my heart, every short breath, my wants, my hidden passageways, my worries, my moodiness (he says it is like the deepest tide) every secret garden of thought and unborn hope.

He is the D. in my goD. he commands me completely, I have blind faith in him, I am a new christian in the age of lions. "I wear his map." Yet what I give to him comes so easily, I never trusted myself in being so easy before. He is easier to give to than my goD. Believing in goD., in the universal consciousness, in the almighty, the omnipotent, the ever-present, requires a leap of faith to warrant -maybe- a leap of after life. But this hand I hold, this body I smell, this spirit that encircles me requires nothing for me to believe in him, to become his disciple.

When I go to him, -lusting body, loving soul, open heart- it is so natural to me so effortless, like summer rain. He makes me want to make him want to make me be a better person. He is the D. in my goD. and I need nothing to leap to him. I need no religion, no saints, no long history of death and torture in his name. I can go to him, believe in him, effortlessly like opening a door. This D. of my goD., this new true goD. of mine created nothing yet he makes me capable of creating everything. Has no power over anything, yet he has all power over me. Promises nothing yet offers everything. Is not omnipresent yet is with me always. Is not full of kindness, yet he makes me want to be kind. He loves nobody yet he makes me want to love all. He is unforgiving, yet he forgives me all.

This new goD. of mine is here now like a valley full of flowers he engulfs me when he is lying with me, he requires no leap of faith. He is shaping my thoughts away from the omnipresent, omnipotent goD. of my ignorance, to the true goD. of self the one that requires no leap of faith, the powerless, the unpromising. I strive to better myself everyday for him. He makes me think of my older goD., makes me wonder why I should ever try and go back to him, pray to him, or kneel before him, or kill for him, or sacrifice my children to him. He makes me think of how a leap of faith is not required when I leap onto my D. (lusting body, loving soul, open heart) easily, naturally, lovingly, tenderly, like drops of water in a pond. My soul wet, my heart open, my body damp, like a shore full of pebbles rattling in the retreating waves.

This new goD. of mine will love us both. Our bodies will be our temple, our love will be our guide. We shall strive to be better. And I will easily, effortlessly, like writing my name, renounce the old goD. of ignorance, of death, of afterlife, of sacrifice, of only spirit, of leaps of faith. The D. in my goD. is now my goD.

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